Outside of the seven+ pounds of extra pressure on my pelvic floor, a very much engaged baby brings all sorts of thoughts to my mind. Exactly one year ago we were planning a spring trip to France. Even then in the back of our minds we had hopes of being to this point one year after that trip, with a baby on the way.
Now the birth day is approaching and I find it all so hard to believe. Hard to believe this little right foot protruding past my ribs is just about the best feeling ever. Hard to believe my sewing machine has withstood the heat I’ve pumped through its foot feed in the past six months, toiling with me to create: one play quilt, a diaper bag, a “boppy” pillow, two newborn snugglers, two pair of 12m pants out of my old pants (and a turmeric tie-dyed 3m top)…
… fifteen cloth diapers, four maternity shirts, and most recently a suped-up car seat and matching tabbed security blanket. Had it not been for thirty-five hours of the Anna Karenina audio book mixed in with a little James Herriot to lighten Anna’s woes, these projects would probably still be mere thoughts.
Still what is hardest to believe is how prepared I feel.
I started blogging to counter my tendency to craft in the kitchen with no recipe. I confess I still love to be in the kitchen sans my multicolored note pad (i.e. recipe recording system). …Ahh… to just create something, something I have no idea of how to duplicate… But most of my crafting I do the same, no recipe. For instance, with the car seat head supporter, I spent five minutes staring at Graco’s version at Wal-Mart, taking mental pictures of how I could get around my own cuter and more cuddly version. Inspired enough, I went home; voilà. A far cry cuter than Graco’s and matches the strap covers and security blanket, both with ribbons recycled from a sweet diaper cake.
When a couple of weeks ago when my good friend said, “Wow, you’re really prepared for this baby,” it was a huge praise. I knew she didn’t mean, “Wow, you really have your crib and nappy bucket at the ready” but rather that we’ve done our research and are truly prepared. At her remark I realized that, nope, this pregnancy thing isn’t something I wanted to do without a recipe. To understand my options and feel knowledgeable about labor and delivery seems like a better plan than to just wing it and do what the midwife or doctor tells me. So I have read, studied, and trained physically and mentally for this baby’s birth day. While, no, things probably won’t go as planned and, yes, there are times to just do as the medical staff instructs, it’s really important to know our options.
This planning reminds me of the marathon. I used to take the no formula approach to marathon training and ran some pretty pathetic marathons without a “recipe.” I’d go out and just run a little or lots with no progression or real plan. Now I approach marathon training with serious focus. Training plans inevitably change with injuries and life events, but never again I would race a marathon without doing my homework and my best to follow a plan.
So why do fears lurk? We have our ducks in a row. All of us are just waiting for this baby.
It’s similar again to a marathon. I always arrive at a marathon start with “healthy fears” and trepidation. Sure part of me wonders if I’ll hit my paces, get a PR, or place well, but deep down what it is, I think, is that I know just how much it’s going to hurt. After running over a dozen marathons, I’ve learned that the pain is fleeting and quickly I’m taken with the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction of a race well run.
So though the approaching birth day may cause me a little angst, I agree, I’m prepared for it. I can’t wait to hold our vernix-covered little one for the first time. When the time comes post-postpartum, I look forward to another round of marathon training. Who knows, I might have just a little less fear for the next 26.2?